People ask me all the time, “Should I leave my relationship?”
They list all the reasons to stay. Then all the reasons to go.
They wrestle with guilt, fear, history, and hope.
They don’t want to make a mistake.
And I always give them the same two questions:
📌 1. Can you be fully yourself in this relationship?
📌 2. Can you and your partner make (and keep) real agreements?
That’s it.
If the answer is no to either of these, it doesn’t matter how much love is there.
Because love isn’t enough.
The Real Question Isn’t ‘Do You Love Them?’
People stay in painful relationships because they still love the person.
But here’s the truth:
💡 You don’t have to stop loving someone to leave them.
💡 You can walk away even while love still exists.
💡 Because a relationship is not just about love—it’s about whether it actually works.
I once worked with a man who was deeply in love with his wife.
She had cheated on him multiple times.
She refused therapy.
She dismissed his pain.
Through tears, he told me, “But I love her. I don’t want to leave her.”
And I told him:
“You don’t have to stop loving her to leave her.”
Love wasn’t the issue.
The agreements were.
Love can stay in your heart forever—but if the relationship can’t function, it’s not a place you can live.
What Happens When You Ignore This?
When people stay just for love, they:
❌ Shrink themselves to make it work.
❌ Accept conditions that hurt them.
❌ Lose their own voice.
When people leave because a relationship doesn’t work, they:
✔️ Stay true to themselves.
✔️ Set a standard for what they deserve.
✔️ Walk away without bitterness—because they know the truth.
You don’t need to hate someone to leave.
You don’t need to villainize them.
You don’t need to erase the love.
You just need to accept reality.
Love Without Agreements Is Just Pain
A relationship needs two things to work:
1️⃣ The freedom to be yourself.
2️⃣ Real agreements that both people honor.
If you can’t be yourself, you will lose yourself.
If you can’t make real agreements, you will lose trust.
A relationship cannot survive that.
If You’re Unsure Right Now…
If you’re stuck in the question “Should I stay or go?”, ask yourself:
📌 Am I safe to be fully myself here?
📌 Can we make and keep real agreements?
If the answer is no…
Then this relationship is already over.
The only question left is how long you’re going to sit in the wreckage.