My favorite way to describe seelf-love is: Self-Love is the honor, regard, esteem, and embracing of the ‘authentic-self’ as well as the ‘ego-self’.
When you love both selves (or both parts of you), the ego and the authentic self, you have the experience of being whole.
Without creating harmony between the two selves you feel fragmented, lost, confused, incomplete, unfulfilled, and confused like my client Louise felt. United, you are strong against any outside forces like anger, sadness, manipulation, etc. that try to shake you up.
Fragmented, your center does not have enough mass, substance, and anchoring to stay grounded if someone else’s gravitational pull throws you off your center.
When you love someone by putting yourself aside,
you set them up to put you aside as well. – Sanya Bari
Ego Can Be Our Friend
It is easy to think of ego as wrong or bad, the reality is that ego is a part of your defense mechanism. It was there to protect you when you didn’t have tools, resources, and independence to manage all you were feeling.
Ego is essential for your survival and even your longevity. Without it you could have dire circumstances such as: addiction, suicide, nervous breakdown, a psychotic break, early and accidental death, etc.
It is essential to love, take care of, and guide the ego parts of you such that your ego is not leading you, instead ‘you’ are the one who is leading your ego.
Narcissistic behavior is a result of loving your ego self. Letting your ego, anxious or fearful parts lead you without the wisdom and guidance of your authentic self.
A big reason self-love eluded me and so many others is because…
we don’t have enough people living guided by thier self-love. The best ways to teach and convey self-love is by inspiring others by your way of being.
The caveat is that the minute your intention to engage in self-love becomes that you want to inspire others to do the same, you have already left the authentic self and stepped into your ego.
Check out our previous blog: Self-Love Explained: It’s More Than Ego and Narcissism.